My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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