i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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