I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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