i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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