I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize