Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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