i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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