She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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