all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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