Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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