Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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