nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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