Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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