is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize