Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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