Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize