I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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