I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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