i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize