You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize