I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We have started to decorate penises.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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