There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize