Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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