Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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