I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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