Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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