Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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