I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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