when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's blow job season.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize