Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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