do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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