i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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