...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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