This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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