Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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