Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize