I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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