My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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