There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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