I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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