There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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