i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I believe in your delicious
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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