I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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