If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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