she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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