Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
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Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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