Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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