Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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