Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize