i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize